Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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