Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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