and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
