I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
