Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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