sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
