i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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