He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its liver damage thursday
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