Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
