I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
