Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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