Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
