just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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