Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wear drunk well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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