dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
