Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
