we're blogging at a bar
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
