My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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