: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are the jesus of drinking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
