was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
