my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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