I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He passed out mid-signature
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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