sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
