So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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