party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
