I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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