I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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