I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
