Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
