why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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