He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
