my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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