i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need moral support for this bender
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
