Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
