Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
