so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
