Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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