Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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