And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
