Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
