If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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