i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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