is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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