K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
