I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
