alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
