Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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