You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
