Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
