is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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