Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
