he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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